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The Dawn Of Awareness Is Rising On Saturn

I’ve been wanting to give people a sense of what going through a Saturn, a major Saturn transit is like for a while, so I have decided to pull back the veil on my life and give you some insight into the wonder workings of Chronos aka Saturn as an ongoing serial, known as “The Saturn Chronicles.”

This is the first installment.

Learning to love Saturn is one of the hardest lesson any of us can undertake and experience in the practice and art of astrology. Saturn is often compared to a beast, in that when we are in a deep Saturn cycle, it always seems to be bearing down on us, relentless and driven in its pursuit to extract what Saturn demands; “Responsibility.” We can see this on the macro level, with Pluto in Capricorn right now. Capricorn, an agent of Saturn is forcing people, through attrition, to take back their lives. Here in the U.S. we got fat and complacent on cheap money (credit) and cheap goods (China). We were lulled into a false sense of complacency while our economic future was being hijacked from under our noses. Now people are waking up under the intensity of Pluto in Capricorn, bouncing off Uranus in Aries. Whether astroturfed or synthetically manipulated, OWS is a manifestation of the awakening. But I’m not here to pontificate on the collective awakening. I’m here to share my own version of it.

Shifting from a Dionysian to an Apollonian being is not easy–especially at mid-life. It’s been nearly four months since I eschewed alcohol and while the upside is better sleep, more hydration and lucid thinking, the downside is losing the escape into fugue states and light trance, the easy camaraderie of casual drinking at the pub down the street, getting loose, cracking jokes and shouting at the world. Then there’s always that strange and synchronistic moment that pops through and all of a sudden the buzz takes on surreal proportions, stories emerge, intoxicated parables spoken is slippery tongues dance from stool-to-stool, sacred and profane, straight out of some J.P. Donleavey picaresque, American and post modern of course. In that fluid and lubricated state its easy to dance between worlds, slip through the cracks of self-censure and ignore the enormity of other parts of ones life left un-attended. That’s the beauty of the Dionysian effect. There is no tomorrow, only the moment, rolling and endless until about 1AM.

I was not a heavy drinker. I could nurse a couple of pints of Guiness for a few hours. For me, the act of drinking was woven together with company, being out, seeing familiar and new faces. I spend a great deal of time alone, writing, thinking, pondering, researching where we’re going and how I will communicate it with the rest of the world. Its an isolating experience at times and the respite wasn’t just in the frothy, mocha colored head of a cold Guiness, but in the human contact and connection of others. But I noticed I was paying more and more time and attention to wanting those moments. Slipping out earlier, catching the Happy Hour and staying well past it. It was mollifying and medicating. It got me through and yet, it felt like I was caught in a whirlpool of inertia, the kind of vortex that conjures up Bill Murray, caught in a web of Samsara in “Groundhog Day.” Something had to change.

SATURN CRISIS

Saturn has been transiting my 11th House, touching the Moon, Mercury and Venus, while squaring my natal Saturn in of course Capricorn. It rattled my world. My emotions seemed frozen. It had been nearly two years since my marriage ended and the feelings of exile were piling up while I sought to bury them and a morbid economic state in a myriad of confused connections. and irresponsible relating. I’ve written about this previously and won’t go into great detail, but I was looking for something to propel myself out of the crippling spell of feeling stuck.

I had been continually frustrated by the lack of support that I had perceived from the universe in regards to my website and radio show. Somewhere, just beneath the surface, I was watering poison seeds of resentment, that I “should” be more successful. That I “should” be able to pay my bills by doing what I love. I reached out to friends with money and products to sell to see if they would work with me and they declined, for various reasons. I took it personally and was getting hardened. It spilled over into my emotional life.

Alcohol impacts the liver and kidneys and in Chinese medicine, both organs are incredibly important when it comes to dealing with anger, life force, Chi, etc. I was short circuiting my ability to deal with these complex emotional states by drinking. Not only that, but my kidneys (Saturn/Libra) were constantly sore and aching. From an emotional and physical perspective, I had to stop. What I was attempting to do was far too important.

Its been nearly four months and I do not miss alcohol. I occasionally miss the woozy connections and the kismetic clinking of glasses through the air, but little else. I’m locked away and in on making this website and my radio experience work. Saturn on my Venus yields pressure from my ex; “Get a job at Starbucks” she says. My reflexive rage gets triggered. I saw my father fritter away his life in favor of hobbies and nice cars, sacrificing any real risk on discovering who he was in the world in favor of downtime and an endless stream of pass times. Legacies are the only thing we have and leave at the end of a life and I was never comfortable with what my father didn’t do in the world. My ex may not understand this, but I feel like its vital that my son know and understand what I do. So I have deleted the easy outs and quick escape. I’m staring down the challenge of Saturn, born into Pluto in Virgo, making a stand for meaningful work and legacy in the face of collapsing systems and time, hoping that someday, he gets it and that I can make it work and show him that you can do what you love. There may be sacrifices, but this is the lesson of Saturn. Obviously, its just the beginning,

11 Responses to “The Saturn Chronicles Part One; Learning To Love Limitation”
  1. Hi Robert. Thank you so much for sharing this, I really love your vulnerability (you may not see it this way) and honest sharing about where you are and have been. I so get off on that. I don’t mean to ‘get off’ on your Saturn learning (I know that pain, just not right now). Its probably my Scorpio nature, but astrology aside I feel in a place of honouring people who are opening their cupboards and sharing exactly what’s what ~ its very apparent in my life that many of the bloggers I follow are posting blogs in a very similar vein to yourself. When people do this for me, its a gift. Hugs and Thank you xx

  2. Laura Willow says:

    Hi Robert, Great insightful posting. I love the picture of Saturn…can you tell us where it came from?

  3. Thanks Lise. Yeah, I think we all benefit when we’re more open.

  4. thanks for giving us an insight into your world — i like you all the more for it :)

    i’ve been trying to come to grips with saturn for a few years now.
    now that it’s in my sign, i feel more in sync with it.
    so even if saturn is making me work very hard, i see that’s it’s re-shaping my world and
    helping me get to where i’ve been trying to get to, for what seems like eons.

    so, your post is timely (no pun intended…).

    it’s good to step away from over-stimulation from time to time and get another view on its role in our lives.
    when it gets too easy to indulge in and it starts to make us dull, then it’s time to take a break.
    you’re an intelligent man to see that.

    and you are a very good astrologer.
    i cringe at the idea of you working at starbucks,
    not that’s it’s a sin to work at starbucks, but you know what i mean.

    since raising my son alone, i’ve made a new career for myself as a housekeeper.
    it allowed me the luxury of being able to take my son to school, pick him up and to be at home when he was at home.
    no other job would have allowed me to make my own hours, thus making me my own boss– and it paid well too.

    my son never took it to mean that his mother wasn’t capable of doing other jobs — he, more than anyone, knows what
    i can do and how well i do it. he understood that it was essential to me that i was always around for him & being a free-lance
    housekeeper allowed me that. your son will understand any choice you make that is good for you.

    warm regards,
    pam ela

    thanks for all you do.

  5. Thanks Pam ela. I am not above working, nor do I have any judgment regarding people that do what they need to do in order to get by–I’ve done it plenty of times. I’ve done more jobs in one life than most people do in three. I’ve dug ditches, delivered bagels, waited on tables, worked with autistic kids, delivered mail, been a barista, bartender, plant scaper and others that I’ve likely forgot. In Human Design, I’m a Projector and this is what I was meant to do. Its all about honoring it and taking it more seriously. Taking a break from fermented beverages has really amped up my clarity and the readings have gone to a whole nuther level and for that and comments like yours, I am grateful.

  6. Hi Robert
    CONGRATULATIONS! Well done! Ive been there and done it and know how fucking hard and isolating and strange it is. You are such a fine writter, really one of the best of your generation – so you are RIGHT to be a little astonished that you are not where you “should be” But as we know saturn often brings delays and i have no doubt you will be richly rewarded (on all levels in the not too distant future)
    Im from the Pluto/virgo genration and suffer in a similar way – part of the problem i believe is that we are a generation of geniuses and we see more. when you see as fast and as far as many of our generation do it is terribly frustrating as we have to sit around waiting for others (this includes punters/backers/publishers/the zeitgist and lovers to catch up. (i dont think the virgo/pluto gen is better than others but i have seen time and time again that they often suffer becuase they see things so clearly which later become a reality.
    NB Dont forget it was over 150 years from Copernicus theories to take hold……..folk are slow to adopt new ideas, and that is agony for thoes who already “know”,

    I read once that Saturn is about getting is off our knees ( the kidney points in chines medicine) we need to stand up and be counted – and thats just what you are doing Bro!
    Your Archive will be a worth a great deal to you one day so log it save it and edit it. Tho you have moved on the punters will need tis guidence thru the next 5 years. The chronical is a splendid idea.

    All the very very best to you. And thankyou for continually delivery such quality insight in such clever ways

    Om shanti
    xx

  7. “Get a job at Starbucks”!! What a hoot! I don’t think that was said with your best interests in mind. But seriously, I could see you becoming their ‘court astrologer’ if they were agreeable to something ‘alternative’… and then the last laugh would be on….?

    Even if that wasnt quite Starbucks thing, it’s a great meeting place and a person could hand out flyers or try a promotion there (maybe). Interesting name, though, isn’t it?

  8. Well Saturn is definitely bringing me to my knees. In one way, it`s acting like a drill sergeant , asking “Now you gon`cry to yo`mama?!” and pushing me beyond my limits. And in another, I feel like it is patient…politely waiting for me to “get it” and get on it, and even…get over it. I feel like a child that is being spanked and disciplined, which is ironic…because isn`t a Saturn return about growing up?

    And I don`t have to tell you how shitty it is to be born with Saturn square Venus and have that aspect being amped up with Saturn revisiting it`s natal position, all the while your friendly neighbourhood natal Pluto hangs around for the fireworks. :P

    Excellent post Robert.

  9. Linn Bailey says:

    BRAVO, Robert! BRAVO, BRAVO!!!

  10. Thanks Katrina.

  11. :)

    This is the most quietly profound, human piece I have ever, ever seen. Looking forward to more ~ BIG virtual hugs to you. I know this was not an easy one for you, but it is an important one. Thank you for allowing myself and your readers to peer inside, an honorable endeavor here from you.
    Namaste, Love ~

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