I just turned fifty. Two days ago. Autumnal Equinox. In the lead up to my birthday, I took a sauna at my favorite place, a Finnish styled space in Albany. Closest to a sweat lodge I’ve found in the confines of a city. I decided during the sweat that I wanted to start the next fifty years with as much of a clean slate as possible.
For personal reasons, I’ve felt fairly blocked on the blog front and have had to work through some issues to get clearer. It hasn’t been easy and the radio program has afforded me a bit more anonymity during this phase. I decided to address a few issues to see if I can get clear, especially since Saturn is camped out in Libra and will be crossing over my Moon, Mercury and Venus in succession. So here is my attempt to reconcile the energy so that I can move forward. I hope it comes out as clear as it did in the heat of the moment when it flooded my brain cells at 115 degrees.
Some months back I made a connection with a kindred soul whose blog and content was similar to my own. We made a very fast connection and our work began to rapidly intertwine. It was potent and dynamic. As we developed a professional relationship, we also forged a personal one and exchanged feelings. We made plans to see one another which did not materialize and in fact became the pivot of our relating or lack thereof. What happened after that was an unraveling that quickly had us decamped in archetypal corners. We became manifestations of one anthers projections. I transformed into the enemy, the new age sheep in edgy wolf skins. She became my own, personal version of Kali.
Many years ago, I remember reading something by Robert Bly. He talked about how archetypal energies get acted out in relationships between men and women. He called these energies, “giants.” The biggest challenge is trying to deal with these energies from a personal perspective. It’s like trying to stuff a dwarf star into a three-bedroom-condo. We have been at an impasse since and I want to clear it up.
As Saturn lurches closer to my Moon, I seem to be more motivated than ever before to reconcile my relationship with women and my inner feminine aspect. The death of my father has also accelerated this process, leaving me to get to know a mother I never felt very close to–life loves to serve up these delicious ironies–I was far closer to my father. Now, here we are together.
In the months since my father passed, I have had to facilitate the sale of personal property for her as well as finding her a new home, movers etc. I am it seems, in service of the goddess.
With Venus and Mars in Scorpio, I feel it is incumbent upon me to get as clear as possible. To that end, I want to apologize to all the women of the world, the spirit of all women and the great feminine of God almighty for any unconscious, programed and robotic moments I’ve been learning through in this lifetime and more. I have been a better man at times than others and I have also done all I can to learn from my mis-steps and mistakes. I know that I have already been forgiven, but a virtual confessional can go a long ways. Is this self serving in some regards? You bet it is, because I want to get unstuck and be as free as I can be. So to my talented and passionate friend fighting the good fight and to all women and feminine energies of creation, throughout and in all things, I offer you all a heartfelt apologia. Continue reading “Reconciling Male and Female–Saturn In Libra–Apologia To The Divine Feminine”